Farah’s Story

I left home when I was 13 because I felt I was being forced into marriage. I ran away from home. My sister had suffered a forced marriage and had been disowned by my parents. She let me stay at her house. While I was there I had threatening phone calls from my parents and my brothers. They would come and attempt to break the front door down. I lived there in fear of my parents and family. I was too afraid to go out, I sometimes didn't have the guts to go to school. I was so confused, scared and isolated that I started to self- harm. It made me feel better because there was no other way I could get out the anger inside me. I felt worthless and unwanted.

I was always had the thought in my head that I had let my parents down by going against their will. I had cost them their honour, what we call their 'izzat' (respect/honour). I attempted suicides four times by overdosing on paracetamol. I really felt that life wasn’t worth it. I didn't know who to turn to. I had no idea what services existed out there for someone in my situation. At the urging of friends, eventually I went to a teacher and told her what was happening. It was then that I realized that I was going to get the support that I needed. She put me through to Karma Nirvana. They were very kind and helpful. I told her about my situation. She gave me some advice and I felt as if it had taken a load off my chest. Whether it was magic or talking that did the trick I did not know.

I was amazed to discover that help and support were available. At one time I felt that I was the only girl in this world who was going through this. Samina shared details of her own experience and made me realize I wasn’t alone. My situation with my parents got worse and worse and that made me weaker and weaker. My parents also accused my sister of influencing me into running away from home. Sadly, my sister sexually abused me on one occasion which drove me away from her. I wanted to tell someone urgently because now I had the courage to tell someone. I became more frightened of my life; I felt that my life was messed up and not worth living for. I informed social services and told them about my situation.

They looked at my case and thought it best that I should live in a bed and breakfast. I spent two nights in a bed and breakfast and it was hell. I was alone and I had no one to talk to while I was living there - no one around to keep me company. Being alone made me weaker. Social services didn’t give me any emotional support or arrange for someone else to talk to me or look after me. I originally come from a big family, I have 'mashallah' (by the will of Allah), five sisters and two brothers, and my house was always full. All of a sudden, I was living on my own. It was a big shock. I started to self harm again.

I couldn't take living on my own. I felt that I would end up killing myself – and I did try. I went back home eventually to my parents and tried my best to live as normal. As I was hoping I could live a new and positive life with my family, my parents were planning on taking the holy pilgrimage to Mecca. They asked me if I wanted to go. I was up for it and said yes. I didn’t have any suspicions until I saw the flight tickets – there were not only tickets to Mecca, but also tickets to Pakistan. I became confused and scared. I wasn't sure what was going to happen until I overheard my parents talking with my older sister. They were talking about me, saying that she will get married or else she will have to die. My dad said that he would kill me.

I was shocked and hurt. My dad had promised me that everything would be fine and nothing was going to happen to me. He had lied to me for the first time in his life, he had never lied to me before and it really affected me. The next working day I told my teacher what was going to happen and she called in my social worker. The teachers and my social worker had a meeting, and before I knew it I was being taken out of town into Chesterfield to a refuge. I told my social worker that I wanted to stay in Derby but she told me it was impossible due to the risks. So I had to move out of there. I stayed there for two weeks and was moved to Leicester to another refuge because my cousins’ and my brothers’ friends were looking for me. I hadn’t wanted to leave Derby, but moving from place to place was the worst. It was an awful, stressful experience.

I eventually got into Mansfield where I stayed in a refuge for one night. I was moved on again to another hostel because of my brother's friends. I stayed in the hostel for two months. Again, I was on my own and very isolated. I gave Samina a call and she knocked some sense into me. I told her that I didn't want to be away from Derby. She explained that I could stay in Derby if I wanted and no one could stop me. She started talking to me every day and it took a load off my chest. I was introduced me to her colleagues Zara and Parmajit, who were also wonderful to talk to. Zara became my key worker and I would talk to her everyday. She made me feel much better.

These people worked for Karma Nirvana and were also helping me to come back to Derby. They encouraged me to think positively and always made me feel better. Parmajit once told me that the friends that you make in life can also become your family. I didn't believe that at first, but as I got to know them I realized that it was true. Zara and Parmajit also came to visit me at the hostel and we had a great time together. I had become more positive by then and was ready to come to Derby anytime. The social services and Karma Nirvana had a meeting about the risks from my family. Samina, Zara and Parmajit went on my behalf and thanks to them the meeting was successful and I was able to come back to Derby. I felt as if I was the luckiest girl alive. I'm now living in Derby and trying to rebuild my life. I give all the credit to the people at Karma Nirvana. If it wasn't for them I don't think I would be in Derby today.