An arranged marriage is very different from a forced marriage. A marriage in which families take a leading role, but the parties have the free will and choice to accept or decline the arrangement.
Unlike in forced marriages, in an arranged marriage both the bride and groom choose whether or not they want to marry the person suggested to them by their families.
Crucially, the decision to marry always remains with the couple. It is a free and voluntary decision that can be unmade at any time, without consequence.
By contrast, in a forced marriage, victims are threatened or forced into marriage by their family and may suffer violence, abuse or emotional blackmail if they resist.
Mind the slippery slope!
There can be a very thin line between arranged marriage and forced marriage.
A marriage can start out as ‘arranged’ but, if the person changes his/her mind at any time during the preparations - yes, even on the wedding day!! – they have the right to pull out. If the person is made to ‘keep their word’ to go ahead with the marriage, the marriage ceases to be a free choice and becomes ‘forced’.
If this is you, know first of all that you should not feel guilty. Just because you said ‘yes’ initially does not mean you are not allowed to change your mind. Trust us, you can. This is indeed a free country and the law will protect you.
There is no requirement in any religion for you to marry someone not of your choosing, regardless of what anyone tells you.
The difference between a forced marriage and an arranged marriage hinges on choice. There is no compulsion in an arranged marriage.
If you are confused about whether your marriage is ‘forced’ or ‘arranged’ ask yourself this question:
If you changed your mind about marrying, would you feel safe and happy to tell your family?
If you cannot answer ‘yes’ to this question your marriage is forced and it is important that you seek help.
Call us, the Karma Nirvana team, on 0800 5999 247 for assistance and advice
Or speak in confidence to a trained caseworker, call the Forced Marriage Unit (FMU) on 020 7008 0151 (or 0044 20 7008 0151 if you are overseas)
All completely free. All completely confidential.