Abdul's Story

I am a Muslim man. I was born and bred in Birmingham and went to a British school. At the age of seven my parents took me out of school and got me engaged to my first cousin. What I thought was just a party turned out to be my engagement, although I did not realize this until later when I faced mounting pressure to go through with the marriage. Up until the age of 23 my parents emotionally blackmailed and threatened me to honour the marriage. I always protested and made my feelings very clear. I didn’t know the girl - she was a stranger to me.

Finally, I was taken to Pakistan under the false pretext of my grandmother’s ‘illness’.

When we arrived in Pakistan I saw that my grandmother was well and started to question why we came. This was when I was kidnapped and shackled in chains in a mosque, and made to agree to the marriage. Somehow I managed to escape by befriending a young boy who used to visit the Mosque. I ran as fast as my feet could carry me to the nearest place I could find. I did make it back to the UK but being a man, I didn't know who I could turn to - it didn’t feel macho for me to come forward.  My partner encouraged me to ring Karma Nirvana, which was daunting as they didn’t support men at the time.

I rang and spoke to someone, which eventually resulted in me meeting with Jasvinder Sanghera. Jasvinder shared her story: I discovered that what we had in common was the sad reality of being disowned by our families. I was sure there must be many more men going through similar experiences. I talked about this with Jasvinder. Women at least could find help in these situations. As a man, I felt there had been no one I could go to for support.

Shortly after I came forward Karma Nirvana used my experience to support other men who were victims or potential victims of forced marriage and honour-based crimes.

As for me, I went on to do an access course at Derby University. At first, I was unsure of my abilities, however the more I spoke with Jasvinder and the rest of the Karma Nirvana team, the more confident I was that I could achieve my goal. Jasvinder has been an inspiration to me. My family have now come round to accepting my decision and we’re now able to talk to each other again.